Lara De Ann

Vegan Memories

I’m in the middle,

Not the end

Reaching high

Until I reach a bend

Then going low

And wishing

I were someone else

But who would I be?

I wouldn’t be me.

I’d be someone who didn’t care about the mountains

I’d be someone who didn’t want to save cows and chickens, goats and sheep

I’d be someone who didn’t cook your vegan dinner

I’d be someone who didn’t care at all

 

I get so high

I don’t even remember my yesterday

Forgot the blues

Looking down at my shoes

And what happened the day before

When I stayed in bed till four

 

I got so high

I couldn’t even remember

That I ever got down

 

But then I crossed a border

Went south in my own soul

Drove myself into a corner

And wished that I was on another planet

That I didn’t see the bad and feel it in my veins

That I didn’t want to shoot myself to make it all over

When you kill my cousins

Just to put them on your dinner plate.

 

Then I got so high

I couldn’t even remember

That I ever had a bad day.

Didn’t remember that I cared so much

Beyond the music moving my Soul

Taking me to some unknown heaven

To take a break from this lonely planet.

 

Didn’t remember that there were others outside my doors

Being cruel to one another

Not caring about the future

Mine nor yours

Not caring about those who care

Just inflicting pain

As if to make their own less.

 

But it doesn’t.

 

I took a break from this lonely planet

Closed my eyes to the killing and shame

Wrapped myself in all my blankets

As if to shield myself from the pain.

 

I didn’t remember how rude you were

That you talked about eating my best friends

And removing their horns.

Didn’t remember that I felt ruined

When you told me you like barbeques

Knowing the grill was void of eggplant, potato and corn

And that you killed another friend

Or worse – got someone to do it for you

So you could keep looking in the mirror

Without hating your own reflection.

 

I got so high

I couldn’t even remember

That I cared so much

 

Then I went down to my knees

Forgot I ever got so high

And felt the pain all over again

When I went to the market

And passed by the butcher section

I thought I saw a leg,

I thought I saw some eyes looking back at me

With gaping open mouths,

I thought I saw ground guts and fried brains

Thought I smelled dead flesh

And saw more friends spinning slowly round in circles

By skewers piercing what was once their heart

In hot ovens, for all to see

 

I covered my eyes

And forgot I ever got so high

Forgot I ever took a break from this lonely planet

To dance instead to the music of my Soul

That wishes now to only run and hide

While you tell me again

About your new couch, cowhide.

 

I forgot I ever got so high….

 

 

 

 

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